Self Compassion

January 5, 2019

….when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.”  Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

  • Dr. Kristin Neff

So I’m participating in a 5 week Compassion Challenge let by Elizabeth Kittell – a Yogi that I absolutely adore.  The first time I ever met her I knew I wanted to be in her “space”. Her energy is pure and her light is so bright!  She told me about her Yoga retreats on the river and I immediately decided that was on my bucket list. I didn’t even have a bucket list at the time!  This was over 2 years ago and I still have not made the time, allocated the resources, or made this a priority. So when I saw her at the Women Ignite Conference in October and she told me she was doing and online Compassion Challenge – I knew this was my chance to connect with her and ease myself into eventually making the commitment to fulfill my bucket list.

This challenge is proving to be exactly what I need.  Did I mention yet that I’m not a fan of yoga? In all fairness, I haven’t really ever given it much of a chance.  Probably because every time I’ve tried it I’ve not liked it. At all. I get confused on the poses. I’m not super coordinated and it takes me a while to really figure out what I’m supposed to be doing.  It’s difficult for me to try and watch the instructor and contort my body at the same time. My wrists are weak and most of the positions hurt. Instead of relaxed and Zen I feel anxious and tense. Between the pain in my body and the frustration of not being able to get it “right” I feel like crying.  Why would I ever want to put something like a yoga retreat on the river on my bucket list? Because I see what it does for people who give it a chance. I want to give it a chance. I want to be able to generate the feeling of peace I feel when I am anywhere near Elizabeth. I want for my body what I know Yoga can do for it. I want movement, flow, peace, joy, zen….

So am I rocking the compassion challenge?  That depends on how I look at it. We just finished week 1.  I did the first movement assigned and it was definitely a challenge.  I wanted to cry, but somehow made it through and ended up laughing at myself trying to do one of the moves.  I felt good after it was done. I was off to a great start. Then I fell behind. I missed a day and have been trying to play catch up.  I have not been able to bring myself to even try the movements I missed. I’ve watched them though and she even has an assistant to show us what the movements and poses are supposed to look like which makes me want to try them… when I decide to make the time.  I have not made it up at 6:30 am to any of the LIVE videos.  I have watched them all, just not at 6:30 am! My assignment for the week was supposed to be turned in half an hour ago and it didn’t happen.  ANDInstead of mercilessly judging and criticizing myself, I am practicing being kind and understanding of my failure to complete the assignments – so YES, so far I AM rocking the compassion challenge in the way it was meant to be for me!

I’m learning a lot about myself with this challenge.  I’ve realized that I have a pattern of not even trying things that I don’t think I can do well.  I’ve realized that I often ignore my pain and that I set very high expectations for myself. And I’m learning to be kind and understanding of myself when I recognize these patterns and behaviors.  

Rock on Roni, Rock on….

Time and Space and Random Thoughts

“I have all the time in the world to do everything that I need to accomplish.”  This is the mantra that goes through my head often.  Whenever I start thinking about everything I need to get done and wondering when I’m going to find the time to get it done, I say this to myself and it helps to calm me.  It’s going through my head right now as I type this…. because I’ve just realized that once again it has been months since I last blogged.

If only there were a way to transcribe my daily thoughts directly to my blog.  I would have the most amazing blog… and I would be that much closer to writing my book.  Is this what writers block is?  So many great thoughts go through my head, but when I go to verbalize them out loud or write them down, they get stuck.  I know it has something to do with my perfectionism.  When they don’t come out perfect, I get stuck trying to figure out how to say them the way they sounded in my head.  And then I start rambling and I get frustrated with myself…. and I give up.

Whoa…. Did I really just say that?  I am not a quitter, I do not give up!!  Yet it is what I have been doing.  I think I may have just had a breakthrough.  I have been giving up, by not really trying to do things unless I think I can do them perfectly.  This is not where I was going with this blog, but I’m going to keep rolling with it.  I am going to commit to blogging something each day.  And I’m going to post it no matter how random or rambling it is.  I’ve been wanting to establish some new daily habits and routines, but I have so many swirling through my head that I get overwhelmed.  I do not believe I can do them all, and I want to make sure I pick the right ones.  So what ends up happening is that because I’m not able to pick the perfect ones…. Yes – I give up and pick NONE.

I’m going to start with this one.  My daily blog.  Maybe this will be the name of a chapter in my book.  The book that I AM WRITING THIS YEAR.  The birth of the daily blog.  I like it.