Messages from my Dreams

If you read my last post on grief, you may be wondering what my grief counselors said about it.  Turns out that they agreed with me that I have…. and that I will continue the process in one way or another always.  Death is not something you ever get over. You just learn how to live with the new reality.

About a week after my last blog post, I had a great dream.  Scott was there and this time he wasn’t just a character in my dreams, this time he had a message for me.  I don’t remember all of the details, but it was one of those dreams that I feel like I drifted in and out of.  It was about relationships and the different types of relationships. He was asking me what happened to our relationship.  At first I thought he was talking about our relationship while he was alive, and I started mentioning some of the bumps that we went through.  He stopped me and said he was asking about our relationship NOW. I told him that the fact that he died probably had a lot to do with it. Then he said “but I’m here now aren’t I?”  I realized that he was, and that he does come to me a lot in my dreams. When he is in my dreams, I know that he is dead, and we even talk about it. When I first started having those dreams of him, I was afraid that if I acknowledged that I knew he was dead that he would go away and the dream would end.  But he doesn’t. We talk about it. Those dreams are VERY realistic. Many times when I wake up from them I try to fall back asleep because I don’t want them to end. Sometimes I can slip back into the dream, and sometimes I cannot.

It’s been over 3 years since he passed over. Even though I’ve grieved him (see my last blog) and I am happy and can move on, I still miss him and think of him daily.  Most of the time my thoughts of him make me smile, but sometimes I still get very sad. When I am missing him and feeling sad, I often find myself sleeping more than normal.  I never used to take naps… now I love them! I know that one of the reasons for this is that I want to dream so that maybe, just maybe Scott will show up in my dream so I can talk to him, hug him and feel close to him again.

When I woke from this dream, I realized that he comes to me in my dreams because that is how he can best get my attention.  That’s what he told me that night. He is always with me, even when I am awake. I just don’t always hear him or acknowledge that we are able to communicate even when I am awake.  He told me to stop sleeping my life away, and to start paying more attention to the messages and signs I am given while I am awake. That is how our relationship works NOW.

Thanks babe – message received  ❤

The importance of communicating your vision

My boyfriend and I are great at communicating. By that I mean we are open to communication and we both know the importance of it. We are able to stop each other when we realize our communication is not clear and that the other is misunderstanding what we are trying to convey. Our relationship is new, and we both realize that if we want it to grow we have to be able to talk to each other. We are also both very strong willed, powerful, independent, confident in our abilities… and a bit set in our ways. We each know how to get things done, and we know the way that works for us.

We have a lot in common when it comes to our personalities, but our lifestyles are a bit different. He loves the outdoors, nature and camping. I haven’t been camping in over 20 years, and I convinced myself that I didn’t enjoy it. Since I’m starting a new chapter in my life and it has been so long since I tried it, I am open to finding out if maybe now I do. I’ve changed so much in the past 20 years, it only makes sense that my likes have changed too.

This weekend we went camping for the first time together. Since this is his world, I left all of the decisions up to him… but I did request one thing. I wanted baked potatoes in the campfire. As we were preparing dinner the first night, he got ready to cook the potatoes on one of his grills. He is a great cook and he is the one with all of the camping experience, and I didn’t want to tell him that I was bummed that we were not going to put them in the camp fire. I tried to suggest that maybe we could cook them in the fire, but he already had his vision of how dinner was going to come together and so he wanted to cook them they way he had planned.

This is when I realized the importance of communicating your vision. You see, when I was a young girl and went camping with my parents, the ONE thing I really remembered was that we wrapped potatoes in foil and put them in the campfire. At the time I thought that was so clever, and I have always loved potatoes. I have such a vivid memory of those potatoes! I honestly don’t even remember how they tasted, but they must have been good because when I think of campfires I always want to wrap potatoes in foil and put them in. I even remember my mom cooking them like that in our fireplace at home because I begged her for them! Now, had I communicated this vision to my boyfriend he would have known that I wasn’t just requesting baked potatoes… I really wanted them in the fire!!

As I was sulking to myself about the fact that I wasn’t going to get my campfire potatoes, my boyfriend sensed that something was wrong and he asked me. When I told him that my vision was of us cooking them in the fire, he totally changed his plans so that I could have my campfire potatoes, and he asked me how long we should put them in the fire. I told him that google said 30 minutes to 1 hour. We put the potatoes in the fire, and he revised his plans for the steak so it would all be done at the same time. As it turned out… 1 hour was WAY TOO LONG. In the end, we ended up with no potatoes, because the blackened blobs we removed from the fire were totally inedible!

Had I communicated my vision in the very beginning, I would have known that he had never cooked potatoes in a camp fire, we could have done more research to find out how long to cook them, and we would have had the potatoes of my vision. Instead, we had a very delicious steak with some corn… and I learned the importance of clearly communicating my vision!

When people understand your vision, they can better understand how they can support you. It is your job to paint the picture of the vision.