Most of the time our fears are based on things we have created in our minds. I believe that Fear really is False Evidence Appearing Real. However, I’ve also believe that we create our own reality – so if we dwell enough on our fears we can bring them into our reality.
I HATE letting people down. The sound of disappointment in a person’s voice can drop my vibration in a heartbeat. I immediately become defensive – either for myself or for the person I feel they are disappointed in. MOST of the time the person isn’t even dissapointed, or if they are it isn’t close to the level of disappointment that I am perceiving. Once again – it comes down to my assumptions of how other people are feeling. My assumptions. My insecurities. My projections. My disappointment in myself. It’s nice to realize how powerful I am in all of this – which helps ease the sting of owning all of it!!
The fear of letting people down can create a vicious circle. For me, fear leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to illness. Getting sick and not being able to attend something that I’ve committed to causes my fear to become reality. Letting people down leads to depression. Depression leads to isolation – If I don’t ever commit to anything then I can’t let anyone down. Oh but wait – fear that my isolation is letting people down leads to me committing to things I’m not sure I’m ready for. Committing to things I’m not sure about leads to fear, anxiety, illness…. etc. I have been in this cycle for as long as I can remember… but I will not let it rule me any more.
I need to forgive myself for disappointing myself. I’ve said I was sorry so many times to everyone else – when really the one person that can heal this is me.
If I can forgive me – can you forgive you??? Give it a try, I think you will like it.