If you read my last post on grief, you may be wondering what my grief counselors said about it. Turns out that they agreed with me that I have…. and that I will continue the process in one way or another always. Death is not something you ever get over. You just learn how to live with the new reality.
About a week after my last blog post, I had a great dream. Scott was there and this time he wasn’t just a character in my dreams, this time he had a message for me. I don’t remember all of the details, but it was one of those dreams that I feel like I drifted in and out of. It was about relationships and the different types of relationships. He was asking me what happened to our relationship. At first I thought he was talking about our relationship while he was alive, and I started mentioning some of the bumps that we went through. He stopped me and said he was asking about our relationship NOW. I told him that the fact that he died probably had a lot to do with it. Then he said “but I’m here now aren’t I?” I realized that he was, and that he does come to me a lot in my dreams. When he is in my dreams, I know that he is dead, and we even talk about it. When I first started having those dreams of him, I was afraid that if I acknowledged that I knew he was dead that he would go away and the dream would end. But he doesn’t. We talk about it. Those dreams are VERY realistic. Many times when I wake up from them I try to fall back asleep because I don’t want them to end. Sometimes I can slip back into the dream, and sometimes I cannot.
It’s been over 3 years since he passed over. Even though I’ve grieved him (see my last blog) and I am happy and can move on, I still miss him and think of him daily. Most of the time my thoughts of him make me smile, but sometimes I still get very sad. When I am missing him and feeling sad, I often find myself sleeping more than normal. I never used to take naps… now I love them! I know that one of the reasons for this is that I want to dream so that maybe, just maybe Scott will show up in my dream so I can talk to him, hug him and feel close to him again.
When I woke from this dream, I realized that he comes to me in my dreams because that is how he can best get my attention. That’s what he told me that night. He is always with me, even when I am awake. I just don’t always hear him or acknowledge that we are able to communicate even when I am awake. He told me to stop sleeping my life away, and to start paying more attention to the messages and signs I am given while I am awake. That is how our relationship works NOW.
Thanks babe – message received ❤