Plot Twists

Okay – so apparently I am not ready for a daily blog.  Or at least I wasn’t.  I’m starting a new coaching program and before I start working with clients I’m going through the program myself.  For the program I had to come up with 2 personal and 2 professional goals that I want to accomplish in the next 21 days, and I have a coach that I must call every day for a 15 minute call to discuss the progress I’ve made on my goals.  Writing a daily blog did not make the list, but writing the most difficult chapter of my book did.

One of my longer term professional goals is to publish my book in 2017 – or at least finish it by 2017 and have it ready for publishing.  I started this blog so I could start getting some of my ideas down, and I have created a list of chapter ideas… but I’m having a challenge with where to start.  Do I start at the beginning?  If so where is the beginning?  Do I start at the end?  If so where is the end?  Do I try to get everything in one book or do I have more than one book to write?  These are the questions that have kept me from actually starting my book.

The more I’ve thought about these questions, the more I’ve realized that I just need to start somewhere. And I’ve decided that the best place to start is with he hardest chapter to write. I have to write the chapter about the day Scott died.  I know that writing that chapter is going to lead me to writing about the days and months leading up to the day he died.  I know that writing about those days are going to lead me to writing about the years leading up to the last months.  There is a part of me that does not want to acknowledge how long that part of my life was in decay.  Writing about this is going to bring up a lot of things that still need to be healed.  But they cannot be healed until I allow them to come up.

I know that it is time for me to bring these up and heal them.  I recently attended a webinar about how to write a book that will impact the lives of others, and one of the things mentioned was having your target audience and knowing exactly who would be helped by reading your story.  I just found out that the husband of one of my very dear friends passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last week at the age of 49.  My story can help her.  This part of my story especially.

Now I  just need to start writing it.

Why I Write

Everybody has a story. My story is powerful and I tell it because I know that others can learn and heal from it. You may hear things that you think would work for you in your life and be inspired to take action. You may hear things that you recognize in your life, and you may be inspired to take action to expand upon them, or change something so that you don’t go down the path that I did.

My journey has been filled with tremendous peaks and valleys, as I feel every journey is. I tell my story so that others can be uplifted by the peaks, and so that those that are in a valley can see the gift in their valley and recognize that they will again be at a peak. I tell my story to provide perspective. Some of my highest moments might seem like deep valleys to some people, and some of my deepest valleys might seem like a welcome respite to the valley that some people are in at the time. I tell my story to celebrate the roller coaster of life. There have been many times that I have screamed out loud “Let me off this F***ing Roller Coaster!”.

There have been times that I’ve spoken out loud that I was done with this human experience.  But I’m not done.  I’m actually just beginning to really see how amazing this human experience can be.  I want to empower others to see this also.  I’ve learned to love roller coasters again, and that’s a good thing!

Being Lonely vs Being Alone

I am so grateful for my daughter and my pets.  They keep me from being lonely.  At this moment my cat is scratching up against the screen of my ipad…. trying to compete with my keyboard.  She would prefer that I scratch her – but I promised myself yesterday that I would blog daily – and it’s 11:30 pm and I don’t type very well with just one hand.  My daughter and the dogs just left the room – after trying unsuccessfully to capture the cat.  Part of me is craving alone time so I can blog without distractions and then fall asleep in a silent house.   But I would much rather forgo that scenario and have those that I love near me.  I can always get away for a silent break – but when you are alone you cannot just summon the comfort of family, pets and friends.

My cat has now jumped off the bed.  My daughter came back into my room trying to capture the cat to apologize to her for trying to capture her before.  The dogs are barking because they want the cat too.  I am tired enough to fall into a grateful slumber in my cozy bed, knowing that I am surrounded by love and companionship.

Tomorrow I think I will blog from the coffee shop!

Time and Space and Random Thoughts

“I have all the time in the world to do everything that I need to accomplish.”  This is the mantra that goes through my head often.  Whenever I start thinking about everything I need to get done and wondering when I’m going to find the time to get it done, I say this to myself and it helps to calm me.  It’s going through my head right now as I type this…. because I’ve just realized that once again it has been months since I last blogged.

If only there were a way to transcribe my daily thoughts directly to my blog.  I would have the most amazing blog… and I would be that much closer to writing my book.  Is this what writers block is?  So many great thoughts go through my head, but when I go to verbalize them out loud or write them down, they get stuck.  I know it has something to do with my perfectionism.  When they don’t come out perfect, I get stuck trying to figure out how to say them the way they sounded in my head.  And then I start rambling and I get frustrated with myself…. and I give up.

Whoa…. Did I really just say that?  I am not a quitter, I do not give up!!  Yet it is what I have been doing.  I think I may have just had a breakthrough.  I have been giving up, by not really trying to do things unless I think I can do them perfectly.  This is not where I was going with this blog, but I’m going to keep rolling with it.  I am going to commit to blogging something each day.  And I’m going to post it no matter how random or rambling it is.  I’ve been wanting to establish some new daily habits and routines, but I have so many swirling through my head that I get overwhelmed.  I do not believe I can do them all, and I want to make sure I pick the right ones.  So what ends up happening is that because I’m not able to pick the perfect ones…. Yes – I give up and pick NONE.

I’m going to start with this one.  My daily blog.  Maybe this will be the name of a chapter in my book.  The book that I AM WRITING THIS YEAR.  The birth of the daily blog.  I like it.